One of the best/worst things about getting older is your friendships change. Sometimes we become so comfortable accepting our place in a relationship that we stick with it even when we know it’s not ideal. You just get used to people using you and you don’t even realize how bad it has gotten until you start to describe it to someone else and they just look at you like you’re crazy. You know what? You are!
It’s crazy to keep people in your life that just use you and ignore you until it is convenient for them. If the only time they contact you is when they need something, you’re not helping them. They won’t spend happy occasions with you. They act like they care but in reality, they couldn’t care less about the mundane day-to-day tid-bits of your life.
You’re the person they keep on the back burner in case they literally have no one else to turn to. You help them whenever they need it but when you need just a small favor or even someone to talk to, they can’t even be bothered to answer a text or email. They will suck you in by hugging you and telling you that you’re like family to them but they treat you worse than your actual family members do! What? Not all families are mean and hate each other? Get out of town! Here I was thinking that was normal..
When you’re in high school, you see each other 5 days a week. You know each and every detail about each other. When you get older, you start to lose touch but you can pick up right where you left off. Then things start to happen. Marriages, babies, you know the deal. You start to figure out where you’re settling down. You lose track of each other… or do you?
I will give an example. A friend of mine from hs is getting married soon. There are a few reasons I am not attending her wedding. It’s on a Friday afternoon. I can’t afford two nights in a hotel. She told me I had 3 seats. I can bring Mini and I can choose to either bring my husband or I can bring another person we went to hs with that isn’t invited so can be one of my plus 1’s. Yes, you read that right. Our friend can come with me but not receive her own invite. Unbelievable. The biggest reason I’m not going? She’s a horrible friend, quite frankly.
She has had a LOT of ups and downs since we’ve known each other. I have had a lot of downs as well but she can’t be bothered to listen because she is so busy celebrating or commiserating about HER trials and triumphs. Ex: She only traveled to my baby shower because I agreed to go out for her birthday (8m pregnant, tyvm!). She even got upset that I didn’t get her a present. Seriously.
She knew her engagement was coming and called me to tell me the news. She babbled on and on about him and their life together. Then she started in about her maid of honor. I was almost laughing at how she was describing her until she actually said the words “She’s my new YOU! We just clicked when we met and we do everything together – just like you and me used to do.”
I felt like I was punched in the gut. I started to take deep breaths and got so mad, I thought I would cry. I know we’re not close anymore, but someone telling you that you’ve been replaced is a pretty big deal. This chick has always been selfish and self-absorbed but this had to be the worst thing she’s ever said to me. Once she said that to me, I pretty much decided not to go to her wedding.
I have spent hours trying to figure out what to do. For years, I thought she needed someone like me around and she did. Since she has a new me, I figure the old me can bow out gracefully now and not be ‘missed’ too much. It hurts but this is what is best all around. I guess we are down to exchanging Christmas cards and I know I will probably get an “I’m pregnant” call in the next year but our friendship is pretty much done at this point.
I’m really just venting and I actually feel better getting this all out and I thank you if you took the time to read the whole thing 🙂