Having A Rough Time

I realize I haven’t posted in a while and it’s such a shame because I had so many posts planned. I’ve been keeping busy to keep my mind off this time of year. The Superbowl was a great distraction for me, as is all of the other tasks I have taken on.

February 2nd is the anniversary of my Mother’s death. It again hit me hard this year because Mini has a new cousin, who is yet another grandchild who my Mother will never know and vice versa. It’s been 14 years since I said good-bye to one of the greatest women I will ever know. I wish I could say this gets easier or that I cry less with each passing year, but that would be a lie. I think, in fact, I cry more. So many things go on that Mini’s other grandparents see and participate in. It pains me that my Mother isn’t here.

Sometimes, all I can do is sit at her grave, weep and just spill my heart out.

Last year for Mother’s Day, I brought Mini with me to the cemetery. She had been asking a lot about my Mother and I felt it was the right time. Recently, Mini asked to come with me again. She told me she couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be without me and that she misses me all day while she’s at school. In her way, I think she was trying to tell me she understands what I’m feeling. Bless her little heart. That innocence is a beautiful thing!

I’ve been asked by people who lose their parents if things get easier. I’m not one to sugarcoat and tell them what they want to hear. I tell them each person deals with grief differently, but it is a hell of a thing to go through. It’s a pain that is always there, no matter how long it’s been.

There will always be some major life event they missed.

There will always be a wish they were still here..